Yesterday, Mom suddenly decided I was ready to go on the road! We decided to drive on the parkway, which if you don’t know what that is, the parkway is this leisurely, hilly, curvy road that winds through the park. Here’s how that went:
Me: “OMG GET OUTTA THE ROAD!!!”
Mom: “I thought you cared about pedestrians”
Me: “Well do they have to walk in the middle of the road?!” (pause) “Eww, I’m turning into a motorist.”
and were weren’t even out of the parking lot yet.
Then we actually get onto the parkway. Now, the speed limit is 25. Most people do 30-40. My dad drives slowly on purpose as a game to see how many ticked-off people he can get strung along behind him. I went the speed limit, too. But some people didn’t like it, like Mr. Land Rover behind us.
Mom: “Stop sign, brakebrakebrake!”
Me: (braking too far away, then scooching up and stopping again.)
Land Rover: “BEEEEEEEEEEP HONK HONK HONK”
Me: “Calm down, dude!!”
Then I kept driving, occasionally steering too far/not straightening out well enough, and going off the road and/or left of center just a teensy bit.
Me: “OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD” (danger averted, we laugh — yes, we laugh in the face of danger!)
Mom: (glancing back at Land Rover): “Gosh is he still behind us? I bet he’s calling the police right now.”
Me: “Officer, there is a drunk driver in front of me.”
And then mainly the rest of the trip was like this:
Me: “MOMMYMOMMY!!! HOW DO I PASS THIS BIKE GUY!!! ew, thanks for spitting, Mr Spandex.”
Mom: “You just passed him! You’re doing it!”
Me: “YESSSS we lost the Land Rover!!! WOOOOOO!”
(at red lights, both Mom and I) “and IN… and OUT….” heaving deep breaths.
Mom: *gasp*!!! *wince!* “Brakebrakebrake… braaaaakeeee…”
Mom: “Just be calm. When you get nervous it makes me nervous.”
Me: “Well when you’re nervous it makes me nervouser!!”
Mom: “No! Slow down! Go 22!”
Me: “Calm down, lady!”
Mom: “Okay, now press the gas… No! Left!!”
Me: (swerving) “Oh, left?”
Finally we stopped at my aunt and uncle’s house, since they live right on the parkway. They were very excited to see that I could drive.
Aunt M: “Oh!! I think I’m gonna cry!!”
Uncle L: “How long have you been driving?”
Me: “Uh, 3 days.”
Uncle L: “Oh.”
We all went inside and listened to them tell stories about relatives, and I couldn’t stop laughing. Then I made Mom drive home.
I can’t wait to go again…
Your Nefarious Student Driver,