There was a spider in the kitchen a minute ago.
Dodge, nerf gun in hand: “Look out, I’m going to kill that spider.”
Me: “No, don’t kill it!”
Dodge: aims gun.
Me: High-pitched SHRIEK.
Yes. I screamed not because I wanted him to come kill the spider, but because I wanted to save it.
Dodge: “Well, fine, put it outside then, jeez.”
So I did.
I’ve done that numerous times. I consider myself the spider rescue squad. Even at the DHFs’ house, I’ve saved spiders from terrible fates. I have a few jumping-spider friends living in my bedroom, in fact. They eat the little fungus gnats that try to live in my seedlings. I think there is also a bigger spider living behind my dresser, and one underneat my window seat… There was a big black one in the bathroom which I named Linnaeus, and took its picture, but I’ve never seen it again. Strange how you can live in a house full of little creatures and never know about them until one day, by some strange accident, you happen to meet.
When you really think of something like a spider being real, I mean actually breathing, moving, pulsing, alive kind of real, doesn’t it seem like a made-up story? They’re so complex, strange, tiny, diverse, graceful, unique– like a fantasy creature that you couldn’t even dream of. Fairies and dragons and whatnot just pale in comparison.
And the craziest part is, we look at them like they’re something to be squished as quickly as possible, before we have to stand looking at them for another second.
It’s like we’re the inhabitants of El Dorado, grinding gold dust under our shoes like it’s dirt.
Now, I’ll wax poetic about spiders.
Thousand-leggers are a different story.
Anyway, the least you can do if you really don’t like spiders is catch them in a cup and put them outside. The only thing the spider did wrong was show up where you could see it. “What the eye can’t see, the heart can’t grieve over”, as Mrs Patmore would say.
(Speaking of quotes, the title of this post is the song that Mom sang in a scared voice the other day, while she waited for me to come and get a spider that was hanging down from the ceiling.)