Watch Wars

Dad: “I never came home on time, so my parents bought me a watch for my birthday.”
Mom: “That’s why they got you a watch? …I’m sorry.”
Dad: “Yeah. But then I lost it like the next day.”
Me: Snort. “Sad.”
Dad: “Well, they got me a new one, the same watch. But then someone told me that my neighbor had found my watch. When I lost it I told this neighbor to let me know if he found the watch because I lost it outside somewhere. So I go next door, and my neighbor opens the door and he’s wearing my watch! So I punched him in the face and took it back.”
Mom: “So then you had two watches.”
Dad: “No. ‘Cause I sold the other one to my cousin for twenty-five bucks.”
Me: “What if your neighbor just happened to have the same watch?”
Dad: “Then I guess I stole it.”
Mom: “In addition to assaulting him.”
Dad: shrug.

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